From: Tony P. <tickledbytony_clean@yahoo.com>
Date: Fri, Jul 10, 2009 at 12:06 AM
Subject: [TickledByTony-Clean] Friday's Smiles 7-10-09
To: tickledbytony-clean-jokes@yahoogroups.com
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Tickled By Tony - Clean
"I think laughter is very imperative. And that's the important part of my life, of making people laugh so they can forget their problems. A good laugh is better than anything."
~ Comedian Milton Berle (1908-2002)
There's this man with a parrot and his parrot swears like a sailor, I mean he's a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself. The trouble is that the guy who owns the parrot is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy.
One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT!"
But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever.
Then the guy gets mad and says, "That's it. I'll fix you!" and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet.
This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of invectives that would make a veteran sailor blush. At that point, the guy is so angry, that he throws the bird into the freezer.
For the first few seconds, there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly goes very quiet. At first the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt. After a couple of minutes of silence, he's so worried that he opens up the freezer door.
The bird calmly climbs onto the man's outstretched arm and says, "Awfully sorry about the trouble I have given you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on."
The man is astounded. He can't understand the transformation that has come over the parrot.
Then the parrot says, "By the way, what did the chicken do?" Even at a Mensa convention, someone is the dumbest person in the room. There was a statistics student who, when driving his car, would always accelerate hard before coming to an intersection, whiz straight over it, and slow down again once he was beyond it. One day, he took along a passenger, who was understandably unnerved by his driving style and asked him why he went so fast over intersections. The statistics student replied, "Well, statistically speaking, you are for more likely to have an accident at an intersection, so I just make sure that I spend less time there." There is an old story about a mother who walks in on her 6 year-old son and finds him sobbing. "What's the matter?" she asks. "I've just figured out how to tie my shoes." "Well, Honey, that's wonderful." Being a wise mother, she recognizes his victory in the Eriksonian struggle of autonomy versus doubt: "You're growing up, but why are you crying?" "Because," he says, "now I'll have to do it every day for the rest of my life." After giving the hired man a dressing down for being late in returning with supplies, the farmer demanded, "Okay, now let's hear how it happened, Miller." "Well, I picked up a minister along the road," explained the hired hand, "and from there on the mules couldn't understand a word I said." Choose where you sit VERY carefully! Feel free to forward this mailing, but I would appreciate it if you would please leave the subscription information intact. Thank You My Other Groups If you also have a taste for some humor that is a bit more adult, you are invited to give my other group a try. You can join and edit your membership at the group's web site with your Yahoo ID at: Or you can join by sending a blank email to: You will receive an automated confirmation letter which you must respond to. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ You're invited to join a Recipe Group that is moderated by my wife and me. Post your favorite recipes or just see what has already been submitted. Share your favorite recipes with others as they share theirs with you. All messages have to be approved in order to keep spam and off-topic messages out of the group. To join, visit the group with your Yahoo I.D by clicking here: or send a blank email to:
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